Roundabouts in Iceland with a Romanian stickshift. Almost over a cliff on a moped in Crete. Parallel parking a VW van on the 45 degree angle of San Francisco’s Divisadero.
Harrowing driving experiences, I’ve had my share.
But these streets, y’all? Nothing more treacherous.
Here in Savannah, traffic law adherents need not apply. Yield signs? Mere suggestions. Turn signals? Just for decoration. Red lights are optional duh, and everybody knows it’s only drunk driving if the beer is actually open.
Where else in a single intersection, in the space of ten seconds, can you witness a semi truck take out a massive branch out of an oak tree, a Tesla with Florida plates sail confidently up the wrong direction on a one-way road, and a pregnant squirrel narrowly escape the 30-inch rims of a 1980 purple Crown Victoria?
Maneuvering through this free-for-all is a daily exercise of luck, faith, and skill, the latter apparently for many acquired from multiple hours of high-level training on Grand Theft Auto.
“Everyone thinks they’re the main character,” observes Savannah subRedditor MrPewps, while Werner Wormhat describes local motoring morons as “failing or struggling with very basic driving situations.”
Mind you, it’s not Atlanta, rated the most dangerous place to drive in the US. But add in a train—or god forbid, rain—and our small city instantly becomes a dystopian metropolis rampant with psychotic replicants.
Not that the blame lies solely with incompetent vehicle operators. Certain infrastructure seems specifically and sadistically designed to confuse drivers, such as double yellow lines that lead to nowhere, lanes that merge from both sides, on-ramps that are also off-ramps, and of course, the ancient cobblestone horse tracks now chopped up into a warren of one-ways and detours. (Those video game creators ought to consider Savannah inspo for the next upgrade.)
Surely by now someone could time red lights to pause more than a nanosecond before turning green in the other direction. And who hasn’t been spurred to speed after a glimpse of the digital clock on the St. Joe’s building at Drayton and Anderson, set at a consistent eight minutes slow since 2007?
By far the worst stretch of nearby roadway is the so-called interchange between I-16 and I-95, two of the Southeast’s most vital arteries clogged up like a Republican senator on the brink of a heart attack. Considered one of the most fatal spots in the country before it was slated for improvements and the site of the horrific accident that took the lives of five nursing students in 2015, the Devil’s Highway feels more dangerous than ever during its current construction.
This $38M civic project began in 2020 under the auspices of the Georgia Dept. of Transportation, who hired Savannah Mobility Contractors to add lanes, reconfigure ramps, add lighting and lots of other Bob the Builder-type activities in the name of public safety.
SMC doesn’t have a website, since it is actually a “joint venture” of out-of-state conglomerates Dragados USA and Prince Contracting, LLC, which might be the reason that after four years the area—on one of the country’s busiest trucking routes and on the way to SAV/HHI International Airport—is still a tangle of hundreds of striped orange barrels and not a single streetlight.
Drive by on any given weekday and you’re bound to see a bunch of guys in fluorescent vests standing around in the hulking shadows of inert Caterpillar bulldozers—but don’t look too long, ‘cause here comes a new concrete wall out of nowhere that serves no purpose, surprise!
To my people who have experienced vehicular troubles and tragedies, none of this is funny. The lack of attention and frustrating stymie from fellow drivers and civic leaders continues to cost money and lives, and justice can be elusive. Why do you think so many injury attorneys plaster their faces all over local billboards? (More googly-eyes, please.)
I have a friend who recently got T-boned at 37th and Abercorn only to have the other driver deny responsibility. The insurance company told my friend she’d have to pay for her own totaled car, even though witnesses saw the other person run the light. She finally tracked down CCTV footage herself, but few of us have such persistence.
The Savannah Police Dept. has a special Traffic Enforcement Unit, though it could certainly be more visible. Frankly, I’ve seen police officers doing some of the worst driving of all, screeching around corners and flipping U-turns in front of school buses. The city has nobly enacted traffic calming policies, though disappointingly these do not involve meditation or CBD gummies.
At least the new cameras have tempered speeds in school zones, even if it’s taken some of the people in our house several $100 fines delivered by the mailman to learn that lesson.
Now, I’m not saying I’m a perfect driver (after I got my teeth fixed in high school, my new nickname became “Crash”) and honestly, it’s just way too easy to renew a driver’s license around here.
But how do we manage road rage when we’re surrounded by narcoleptic lane shifters texting their GTA scores over Discord?
Of course, we can eschew cars and take public transportation, though Chatham Area Transit’s patchy route system still doesn’t serve those trying to get to their jobs in Port Wentworth or allow a nice day at the beach. Bike Walk Savannah continues to champion its cause and broke ground last week for the next phase of Tide to Town that will connect safe biking trails, but pedalers still mobilize at their on risk. (Several Facebookers reported last week that Larry the Flag Man, the ubiquitous cyclist known for waving an enormous star-spangled banner all around the city, suffered a hit near the Truman Parkway, his beach cruiser and flagpole mangled.)
I guess there’s always Uber, though the habit of stopping in the middle of the street to drop people off is a total menace, and I sure as hell don’t trust those freaky Waymo self-driving things.
Other egregious offenses:
Not pulling forward in the left turn lane so that the cars behind you might get through the intersection
Riding in the left lane at the speed limit and wondering why other drivers are flipping you off as they pass on the right
Taking up entire lane on one of those tiny electric scooters
Throwing bags of trash out the window, as if the streets weren’t already an obstacle course all their own
I leave the rest to you—tell me your heinous Savannah driving experiences in the comments.
In the meantime, be careful out there, or maybe just stay home?
Always buckle up, buttercup ~ JLL
There is no way that traffic problems will be resolved in Savannah. First, you have a huge number of tourons and Floridiots driving in to the city, many of them who haven't taken a driving test since the advent of the Interstate (or BEFORE it was begun in 1955). That means that some of these people are well into their dotage and have the vision and hearing to prove it. I still remember my DMV visit years ago where the couple ahead of me had the wife whispering the eye test answers into hubby's ear, then hobbling outside and helping him into the car, from whence they left at about 20 mph when they hit Dean Forest Road. His license should have been yanked and they needed to take a bus or a taxi and have their car towed home where it could have been sold. This is the problem with in Savannah - too old or too young to drive and no really decent and dependable mass transit to handle things. Having more people with bus passes they HAVE to use would go a long way toward getting CCT solvent. And those of us who can still see and hear should be required to take a physical driving test and hearing and eye test at least ONCE every three years after the age of 60.
You nailed it! I count to three when the light turns green…