Older, Maybe Wiser? The Savannah Sideways Substack Turns One

Exactly one year ago this week, I leapt. 

I held my breath and squinched my eyes up tight as I sent my first column since 2018 into the world—or more specifically, into my city. 

Most of us were just emerging from our COVID comas to a Savannah that looked and felt wildly different from the one we’d distanced ourselves from a year before. Large swathes of the beloved community I’d once chronicled and shared cocktails with seemed to have disbanded or disappeared. I wasn’t sure what I had to say about it would be welcomed—or worse, as an unrepentant word wrangler in this new TikTok world—acknowledged at all. 

As it turned out, A Newcomer’s Guide to Savannah (And We’re All Newcomers) landed admirably, with over two thousand clicks that converted into hundreds of subscribers. Since then I’ve churned out 51 more missives to drop every Wednesday at 3pm EST for y’all, and I’m so grateful that there is an audience for this tender-hearted weirdo’s muddled musings, along with a smattering of extreme navel-gazing and misanthropic natterings. 

I’d say I’ve been writing my ass off, but nope, my tushy is still right here, expansive as ever and planted in my fancy new desk chair, which was recently purchased after my favorite chiropractor Dr. Chris Whelan warned that the 1940s wooden torture stool I’ve been sitting in for the past two decades was eventually going to turn me into an actual troll.   

I must acknowledge that I owe my existence on this platform to my star-spangled fairy godsister Rubi McGrory, who is also celebrating her own one-year anniversary this week.

In addition to being a meme-iffic illustrator and multidisciplinary alchemist who makes magic out of Jell-O, Rubi also writes The Iridescent Ordinary, where she offers hilarious, mindful motivation on how to live artistically without dissolving into a tangled mess. (She also offers in-person creative counsel via her fabulous workshops, which might include designing your own power sigil out of Shrinky Dinks.)

Rubi sprinkles love wherever she goes

One day last spring, as I was fuming about all the rude people invading our once-sleepy city, Rubi kindly suggested that I might turn my kvetching into something productive.

“We, my friend, are going to start Substacks,” she informed me.

“WTF is a Sleestack?” I moaned into my sweet tea after witnessing yet another spray tanned influencer couple in a brand-new Mercedes van take up two parking spaces in front of Foxy Loxy. 

Not only did Rubi introduce me to the newsletter format you see before you, she sat right next to me as we filled out the required fields and drummed up content, she the cheerful Ernie to my cranky Bert. She also designed the super-styley Savannah Sideways yin-yang camellia logo, though she is in no way responsible for all the stickers I’ve slapped all over the city in frequent fits of benign vandalism. 

Actual footage of Rubi helping me set up this Substack

Mostly she has encouraged me to remember that “perfect is the enemy of good,” an adage attributed to Voltaire, the prolific French writer who I’m guessing understood the gut-sinking embarrassment of finding a glaring typo in your latest essay ten minutes after you’ve sent it to 700 people. 

To my darling, delicious subscribers, your tolerance for said typos as well as your support—in the form of kind comments and cash money—has kept me buoyed this year as it’s become head-shakingly, heart-breakingly evident that Savannah is forever changed. The rise in the cost of living is more dizzying than an elevator ride in a 17-story building on River Street: Hotel rooms for $650 a night! Shitbox houses selling for $300K+! A paltry restaurant salad consisting of wilted romaine and a spoonful of dry garbanzo beans for $14! 

I suppose it was inevitable given the national real estate trend of big city people moving to the South, but I guess I was hoping that the gators and gnats would form some sort of protective barrier to shunt the most obnoxious ones towards Jacksonville. 

And maybe for the most part that’s happened. So many of the newcomers I’ve met are actually pretty wonderful: They’re artists and entrepreneurs, retirees throwing themselves into volunteer work and young parents excited to join the PTA. They’re buying local art and tickets to local music festivals and groceries at Brighter Day and the Forsyth Farmers Market. Most are minding their Southern manners and even attempting an “all y’all” here and there, bless their hearts.    

Still, here we are, watching entire neighborhoods gentrify in less time it takes for a brood of cicadas to molt. 

Many of the people and small businesses that have made Savannah interesting are throwing in their humidity-soaked towels (miss you already, Cuban Window Café), and the housing market has gotten so batscat wild even the realtors are starting to rebel. We may have kicked out the sweaty mess of the Rock N’ Roll Marathon, but affordable venues for local musicians to rehearse and play remain scarce.

To keep Savannah real and stave off its total subsumption by capitalism’s blind rapaciousness, I stand by the admonitions put forth in last year’s Newcomers’ Guide, plus a few more: 

• Keep up with local issues. I know it’s ironic for those of us who remember the pork-bellied, good ol’ boy days of the Savannah Morning News, but our local daily has actually benefited from its most recent corporate takeover. Seasoned local editors oversee a stable of eager, capable young reporters in the newsroom, and while you may not agree with Adam Von Brimmer’s editorials, they are well-researched and relevant to your life. If zoning and business licensing are your idea of a party, definitely sign up for emails from Savannah Agenda, penned by charming policy nerd Eric Curl. 

• Vote on the “small” stuff. Early voting begins on May 2 for the May 24 election, and you’d best make a plan, ‘cause the phony pearl clutchers have instituted changes to make it harder to cast a ballot in the name of “voter reform.” I’ll have more to parse about the races next week, but in case you’re not aware of crazy conspiracy theorists’ actual conspiracy to gain power, school board elections matter. So do state legislator and U.S. representative primary races. What do you mean, you haven’t registered in Chatham County yet? It literally takes three minutes. The deadline for the May 24 election was last Monday, but register now to be able to vote in case of a run-off, and obviously, for the big gubernatorial showdown in November. 

• Be patient, stay kind, and care about other people. As usual, I’m talking to myself. No matter how astronomically expensive things get, Savannah will always be small enough that one person’s business eventually affects everyone else. Building—and repairing—community in an unsettled landscape requires crossing out of comfort zones and staying curious about what we think we know about each other. But if I get caught driving on Bay Street behind one more Ohio license plate going ten miles an hour, I’mma throw a Moon Pie at someone’s rear window. 

Oh, and one more thing: If you haven’t already, please subscribe to Savannah Sideways. You can sign up for free weekly emails, or support this venture with a monthly fiver. (To my sexy paid subscribers, I promise y’all a cocktail party after we get our young’uns set up for summer—be on the lookout for a special invitation in the coming weeks.)

So here’s to another year of spilling the tea and spreading the jam in the South’s most interesting city, which faces many of the same issues as anywhere else and we’ll handle in our own way, bless our hearts.  

Savannah may never be perfect—but each of us holds the power to make it good.  

Adore all y’all  ~ JLL