The Long Story

Good gracious, the Savannah Sideways Substack turned four years old last month! That adds up to more than two hundred weekly posts, stories, missives, tantrums, and solipsisms in this space—and in spite of my lazy ways, the words seem to keep on coming.

Squinting in the rearview mirror, there have been thousands of pieces: I’ve written a weekly column for the better part of the last 30 years, some old enough to not even have an internet footprint. As a baby scribe in the early 90s, I helmed Page Seven at the Marin Country’s Pacific Sun—blessedly still publishing, making it the oldest continuously-operating altweekly in the country. Then came “love advice for the jaded” from Ms. Ann Thrope, a character I pitched to AOL’s Digital City to snark up San Francisco with another personality, Jen X (we thought we were so clever and cute.)

The new millennium spawned Jewish mother–on–the–edge persona, Yo, Yenta!, originally conceived for a dating site we’d hoped would get acquired by JDate but alas, did not make me rich. After ten years of being a bubbe in the blogosphere, I transitioned back to print after we switched coasts for seven years of the (Civil) Society Column for Connect Savannah. Post-COVID, my creative fairy godmother Rubi McGrory introduced me to this platform because she was tired of my kvetching about all the newcomers not acting right.

Column, blog, blather, whatever; what we call it keeps changing. But the formula has stayed the same: Once a week, I churn out a thousand-ish words centered around a particular person, event, or topic told through my own skewed and highly nerdy lens.

It suits me: A regular deadline keeps my navelgazing in check, and I’ve gotten a couple of books out of threading together the larger narratives. I get to assuage my curiosity about all kinds of things and move on to the next before I get bored or the person gets annoying.

Navelgazing in Taylor Square 📷 by @jadetakespictures

Once in a while though, I get obsessed.

If I’ve cornered you at a cocktail party in the last few years, you know that the strange tale of the ancient Roman statuary owned by the City of Savannah has seized my brain like a barnacle to a whale flipper, or possibly a parasitic worm to a HHS secretary.

Even if I haven’t regaled you with the history of Greenwich Cemetery’s former decor while sloshing a Sunboy on your pants, it might sound familiar: I’ve written about it several times, and it takes up an entire chapter in The Camellia Thief & Other Tales.

I just can’t seem to get this story out of my system: The intersection of American and local importance, the schadenfreude of Gilded Age demise, the many prongs of historic and cultural relevance stretching back millenia and into the present—and the city’s future. If Forrest Gump were an ionic column from the third century CE, he’d be in Savannah.

For years now I have imagined telling it as an episodic podcast full of revelations, presented in the suspenseful vein of a true crime mystery, only without the murder, because I am wuss.

But such an undertaking exceeds my technical abilities. Plus the dogs can’t stop barking long enough for me to leave a voicemail, let alone record hours of vocal fry.

Recently I had a fortuitous introduction to Dee Daniels Media, the masterminds behind Made of Savannah and other local podcasts, including the educational and entertaining interview series of local environmental players hosted by the Tybee Island Marine Science Center (I keep the vocal fry to a minimum, promise.)

These professionals and all-around bad babes have the brain power and expensive equipment to make my dorky raconteurial dreams come true, and they’ve agreed to help. In between chasing sea turtles (or pretending to be one), I’ll be spending this summer with them developing, writing, recording, and editing Savannah Sideways: The Strange Story of Savannah’s Forgotten Ancient Roman Statuary for an early fall release on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast. I’m so excited, I almost forgot we’re in the middle of a hostile fascist takeover!

This longform project will require time and focus as I continue to tend to my delightful day job. I bet you know what’s coming next: I’ll be taking a little break from the weekly grind.

But that doesn’t mean I’m abandoning this space. To my lovely free subscribers, you don’t have to do a thing; I’ll tap dance back into your inbox around Labor Day after I’ve got this in the can.

My gorgeous paid subscribers, please read on: